call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
