Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
