You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
