you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
