my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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