Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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