Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
