We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
