hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
