If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
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