I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize