At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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