are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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