I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
