I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize