I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My dick has a subreddit
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
