She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
