you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
