It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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