no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
