I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
