sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize