I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
