Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
