I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
