Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
