i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
