your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
