Dual....:-)
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
