So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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