Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
