i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
