when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Terrible idea I love it
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
