You work out of a Hotel?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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