I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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