the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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