How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
