My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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