Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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