genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
