And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
