She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
