Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
