We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
