roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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