Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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