I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
where are you?
Hypothermia
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
