he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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