it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
