you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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