eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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