i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Randomize
