I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
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