i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
