Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
