I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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