I just threw up on my dentist
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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