Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
