that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize