I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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