On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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