I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
