he shaved USA in his pubs
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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