the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
