At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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