I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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