Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
